Γιατί να αγοράσετε μια ομπρέλα όταν θα μπορούσατε να χρησιμοποιήσετε ένα Macbook; Ίσως κούρεψε 2000$; I’d like to make a joke connecting how wet this girl is about to be with Brad’s inability to cause such events, but I won’t.

This is just like the time Brad said we were ‘going steady’ when he really meant that we were on a ‘steady decline’. Too funny.

Weird—how did someone get a photograph of Brad’s icy, frozen, dead heart?

It’s okay to ask for help when you need it, even if you are the help. All kinds of Triple A are more helpful than Brad, including the batteries.

To be honest though, this is kind of fair. I once dated an emotionless metal machine shell with no concept of empathy and a tenacious appetite for Internet cat-fishing.

They probably meant what time it was installed, but sometimes people just take things a little too literally. Like that time I sarcastically told Brad that if he liked my sister so much he could marry her, and he actually like, did that.

This person couldn’t understand why there were squids on this Christmas wrapping paper. To be fair, can we really blame him? As we grow and experience life, we learn to see things through other people’s perspectives. Like how from Brad’s perspective, he’s a great kisser.

This should be a learning lesson for all of us to not act based on assumptions before we have all the information. Like when my Grandfather added me on Facebook Brad.

Ever waited in line behind mannequins for just a tad too long for it to seem normal? Tag yourself: I’m the woman waiting 1000 years for my lifeless plastic male counterpart to make a move even though he just doesn’t have what it takes.

Some things just don’t go together: Propane and fire; orange juice and toothpaste, Brad and anyone.

Taping a piece of paper to a clip board makes virtually no sense, like my relationship with he-who-must-not-be-named. Think BAD, but with an R after the B.

Life Hack # 1: Plastic cutting boards shouldn’t be used as cooking trays. Life Hack # 2: If you happen to make this mistake, you’re still a better cook than Brad.

This barber has rendered something effective completely useless. Like when you have a good thing, and you just totally ruin it. Like you just pierce it right to its core and completely annihilate any chance of reconciliation Brad.

This woman’s office has a collection of plastic pears that unsuspecting visitors keep trying to take bites out of. Bet you I can name another thing that’s fake.

It’s easy to get all those Leos mixed up. Leonardo DiCaprio; Leonardo Da Vinci, Leonardo the Ninja Turtle; Leo like the astrological sign I will never engage with in a romantic way for the rest of my miserable life; there’s just so many!

Hey now, maybe this person just wants to ensure that all of his various visitors are able to enter the communal home space even when he is out running errands. Or maybe he has too much trust, like the kind of trust that people named Brad take advantage of.

This art exhibit was mistaken for an actual car and given a parking ticket, because even though it acts completely absurd, people somehow took it seriously. Just like frat boys. In this essay I will…

You can’t electorate the process of something just because you’re impatient. Water absorption doesn’t work that way. Neither do relationships.

Always gotta do things the hard way, even when there’s an obvious easy solution, right Brad?

This reminds me of the time Brad owed me $168.00 and asked me if he could borrow $32.00 “just to make it even.”

I understand—it’s only natural to think that the entire world revolves around you and that you’re an undiscovered celebrity whose random selfies will somehow grant them fame. Ask Brad, he could tell you all about it.

Aw, now these people are trapped in a situation they don’t want to be in. Hear that Brad? How long were we trapped Brad?

Driving on a frozen lake is pretty stupid, but you know what? It’s not as stupid as, let’s say, accidentally putting window washer fluid in your gas tank. Brad has done that.

This just isn’t going to work. Oh, the straps threaded through the wheel in the photograph won’t work either.

Always got to make a show of things, no matter how much of a mess you make in doing so Brad.

Sometimes you mean to say one thing, but it comes out as another. Like how sometimes you date someone, but you’re also dating another person at the same time even though the relationship was supposed to be monogamous.

This is obscenely dumb. So is Brad. Next!

Here is a good example of backwards thinking. Sometimes you make such a big mistake that you can never make something work the way it’s supposed to. Ever again. Ever. cough. cough.

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. If it is broke, also don’t fix it. Get a new one. Dump the old one on Valentine’s day in the middle of an Olive Garden.

Well, there’s nothing they can do about that bad decision making now. It’s far too late. Might as well let it sink beneath the earth where it belongs, right Brad?

Just because something seems like it could work, doesn’t mean it will. Remember that ladies.

I’m not a cooking expert, but I don’t think that’s how rice cookers work. There’s no point heating up something that can just heat up itself, because if you try to intervene with your mediocre skills, you’re just eliminating the pleasure all together. Right Brad?

Did no one show this girl how to put in hair extensions? Did no one show Brad how to cook or clean or do taxes or book doctors appointments or properly tie his shoes or how to treat people with respect? Imma give both a big N.O.

Sometimes, you just gotta make a plan. Plans help you avoid certain instances. Plans prevent mistakes that can’t be fixed. What was your plan, Brad? Were you just gonna send me an invitation to the wedding and let me find out that way?

Ah, getting trapped in a claw game thing. Getting trapped in an unfulfilling relationship full of instability and disappointment. Aren’t we all trapped in one way or another?

Fun fact: you need to turn something on, or nothing gets hot.

You know those people who have to make everything harder for themselves? You know who I mean.

This person really messed up, though at least the bed has never been dryer. Want to know who else has never been dryer Brad?

Too easy of a joke to make here (he’s stuck, I was stuck, bla bla bla,) so instead, I’ll treat you to a new rendition of my favorite song by TLC: No, I don’t want no Brad Brad is a guy who can’t get no love from me Hanging from the passenger’s side of my sister’s ride Trying to DM meeeeeee

Ready for another one? Bradley now we got bad blood You know it used to be semi-mediocre love So take a look at who you, um, truckeeddd Bradley now we got BAD BLOOD

These cookies were accidentally put on patient trays in a hospital for Halloween. Ο Μπραντ λατρεύει τις διακοπές. Ξέρεις τι έκανε για την Πρωταπριλιά; Τίποτα, γιατί είναι ήδη αστείο.

Ορισμένοι άνθρωποι τείνουν να έλκονται προς τα προβλήματα, ακόμη και όταν είναι δύσκολο να το κάνουν. Ποια είναι η ασφάλεια του αυτοκινήτου σας τώρα Μπραντ;

Πώς μπορεί κάτι να είναι τόσο ΨΕΥΤΙΚΟ;;; Α, και ο μανδύας ήταν αρκετά ψεύτικος.

Η ζύμη θα συνεχίσει να φουσκώνει αν την αφήσετε αρκετά. Ο Μπραντ θα απατήσει αν είσαι μαζί του αρκετό καιρό. Ακούς ότι η Κάρεν; Αυτή είναι η μόνη σας προειδοποίηση.

Αν αποφασίσεις να αναλάβεις κάτι, Κάρεν , είσαι αυτή που πρέπει να αντιμετωπίσεις τις συνέπειες. Κανείς δεν θα έρθει να σε βοηθήσει με τα ψώνια σου ή με τον γάμο σου που καταρρέει Κάρεν, ο κόσμος δεν λειτουργεί έτσι. Ο Μπραντ θα είναι πάντα Μπραντ.

Λατρεύω όταν το παγωτό έχει μυστικά συστατικά, όπως μου αρέσει όταν οι άνθρωποι που ονομάζονται Μπραντ έχουν μυστικά κορίτσια που τα βάζουν στο DM τους στο Instagram—εγώ όχι.

Δεν ωφελεί να αναγκάζετε κάτι που απλά δεν προορίζεται να λειτουργήσει. Ξέρεις για ποιο πράγμα μιλάω.

Υπάρχουν τόσα πολλά πράγματα για σύγκριση εδώ: Ξεκαρδιστικά ανόητη σκέψη. αδυναμία να παρατηρήσετε πράγματα που βρίσκονται ακριβώς μπροστά σας. κυριολεκτικά απλώς φτιάχνεις πράγματα καθώς προχωράς. Αλλά ξέρετε τι; Δεν χρειάζεται να συγκρίνουμε αυτά τα πράγματα. Ας πάρουμε τον μεγάλο δρόμο. Όπως είπε κάποτε το τραγουδιστικό συγκρότημα TLC, «Δεν θέλω κανέναν Μπραντ, ο Μπραντ είναι ένας τύπος που δεν μπορεί να πάρει αγάπη από εμένα».